Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
