If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
