Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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