I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
