I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
