And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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