also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
