Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
