I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
