Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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