there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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