mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i believe in u and ur pee
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
