I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
