i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
