Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
