The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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