You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
