first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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