Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
