I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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