just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
