I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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