Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
