so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
