he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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