You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
