Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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