i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
