I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
