Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
