I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
