Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
