I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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