im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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