You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
