i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
