I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
