I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry about my life...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
