I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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