I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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