She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
