I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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