dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
