hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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