You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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