So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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