she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
