3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
