If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
