You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
