I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
