I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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